Mother Enmeshed Men: Is Mother-Enmeshed Man Destined To Have A Breakdown?

Although a man can come across as needless and create the impression that he is happy to be there for his mother, this is likely to be nothing more than a facade. The truth is that he will have needs and abandoning himself is going to causing him to suffer. However, he will deny his own needs and he won't acknowledge how he truly feels; this is why he will be able to behave in this way. It won't be that he is consciously choosing to be in denial, though; as he won't even be aware of what is going on. Hidden This defence, along with others, wouldn't work if he was actually aware of what was going on; it will only work if he is oblivious to it. To keep this defence in place, he will need to use a lot of his energy to keep his needs and true feelings at bay. As this is so, a lot of his energy is then going to be pushed down and a lot of his energy will be needed to keep this inner material at bay. Thus, not only won't he receive much but he will use a lot of the energy that he does to avoid reality. Running On Empty To continue to behave in this way, then, he is likely to rely on the power of his mind - will power. The reason for this is that as he won't be in touch with his feelings, he won't have access to the power that they provide. Ultimately, his life is likely to be one big struggle and he won't be able to behave in this way forever. If he is at the beginning of his life, he might be able to keep this up for a little while longer, and yet, if he has been on this planet for quite some time, this might not be the case. Blocked Out The trouble is that due to how disconnected he is from himself, he won't be able to pay attention to the messages that are there to help him. For example, he could end up with upper back pain, find it hard to wake up each morning and often feel very low. Each of these symptoms will be there to tell him that he needs to start paying attention to his own needs and to spend less time being there for his mother. In the beginning, he might be able to deal with each of these things by taking a few pills and relying on stimulants, for instance. Totally Exhausted After using this approach for a number of years, there can come a point in time when he simply can't continue as his nervous system has been well and truly maxed out. No matter how much he wants to carry on, it just won't be physically possible for him to do so. He might not be able to get out of bed and even if he can, he might not have much energy. This can be a time when he will feel deeply helpless, depressed and unable to do a lot of the things that he could do previously. Inner Conflict Still, by not being able to be there for his mother, he could experience a lot of guilt and shame. But, thanks to how drained he is, he won't be able to return to how he was before and will just have to be with these feelings. Additionally, he could come into contact with another part of him that has had enough of behaving in this way and no longer cares about what his mother wants. If his mother calls and wants him to do something, he won't be able to do it. A Blessing in Disguise He will be in a bad way and this can be seen as a "bad" thing, but, if he is able to change his behaviour after this, what he is going through will be a "good" thing. In fact, it will be one of the best things that have ever happened to him. The key will be for him to reach out for support and to look into why he has ended up in this position. What he is going through may have appeared to have come out of the blue but it will have taken many, many years to manifest. The Foundations Were Laid During his early years, his mother would have most likely used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs, which would have set him up to lose touch with himself and to focus on her needs. Being there for his mother and ignoring his own needs would have ended up being what felt comfortable. This would have caused him to suffer very early on but he wouldn't have been able to do anything about it. The years would have passed and he would have continued to suffer, but thanks to his early experiences, he wouldn't have realised that he was out of alignment with himself or that he could change his life. An Expected Outcome As a result of this, he was more or less destined to have a breakdown. His childhood conditioned him to neglect himself and to focus on his mother, which is why behaving in this way would have just been what was normal and wouldn't have stood out. This is why he was unable to consciously look for a way to change his life as he wouldn't have known that there was anything wrong. Instead, he had to unconsciously manifest a situation that would wake him up. ​ Awareness If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, seven hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. 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